The enabler might think, “I’m just trying to protect them from losing their job,” but this behavior only allows the problem to persist and delays the need for change. This might look like covering up their behaviors or lying to protect them. While the intention is to help, this behavior allows the harmful cycle to continue and can lead to burnout for the caretaker. A person who engages in caretaking enabling provides constant care to another person in hopes that they can protect that person from harm. For example, a narcissistic enabler might protect a narcissist from facing the consequences of their actions. Enablers often act out of love, guilt, or fear of losing the relationship, but this behavior creates unhealthy patterns.
Here’s how to take note of enabling and correct it with empathy and boundaries.
The more you spend time, energy and financial resources on others, the more effect it can have on your own well-being. There are consequences to our own well-being when we enable others.” “If you’re giving and giving and giving to someone else, eventually, you’re going to start running on empty.
Jade Wu, Ph.D., is a clinical health psychologist and host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast. Your compassion plus your boundaries will make the perfect balance for delivering your help, and you just might be planting that first seed towards their recovery. Asking these questions and encouraging thoughtfulness around them is not being stingy with your support.
Enabling Substance Abuse and Addiction
The first step in trying to support someone without enabling them is to acknowledge the things you have done that might have allowed the other person to continue their destructive behaviors. This can also lead to a type of trauma bonding, where the enabler feels that they cannot stop enabling the person that they love without feeling that they abandoned them in their time of need. Over time, this behavior can lead to toxic relationships, where one person becomes dependent and less accountable, and the enabler feels trapped or taken advantage of. While it might feel like you’re helping in the moment, this behavior often makes it harder for the addicted person to change or grow.
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This may allow the unhealthy behavior to continue, even if you believe a conflict-free environment will help the other person. You might put yourself under duress by doing some of these things you feel are helping your loved one. But even if all you want is to support your loved one, enabling may not contribute to the situation the way you might think it does. It doesn’t mean someone else’s harmful behaviors are on you, either.
You Provide Financial Assistance
At the same time, it may be difficult for you to stop enabling them, which in turn might increase your irritation.
Setting boundaries is important in showing someone what you will and will not tolerate, holding them accountable, and avoiding the encouragement of destructive behaviors.
When the person is ready to change–to get off drugs, leave a toxic relationship, make a monthly budget–you can be ready to keep them accountable if they ask for help.
Enabling can be hard to spot for the people within the enabling relationship.
This is particularly the case if the funds you’re providing are supporting potentially harmful behaviors like substance use or gambling.
Enabling behavior is often unintentional and stems from a desire to help. Sometimes it may mean lending a financial hand to those you love. You may find yourself running the other person’s errands, doing their chores, or even completing their work. They may skip the topic or pretend they didn’t see the problematic behavior. This may make you feel like your own needs have fallen to the wayside. More than a role, enabling is a dynamic that often arises in specific scenarios.
When I was younger, a story about my favorite cousin, a beautiful young woman who had married a man with an alcohol and gambling problem, worked its way through the family grapevine. Receive weekly insights to help you and your loved ones on your road to recovery. It is difficult to compare an enabler and an abuser because they are two different things.
Many people try to help a loved one make major life changes, and fail. A passive enabler is someone who is unaware or indirectly enables another person. However, enablers usually have good intentions that are misplaced, while abusers are typically trying to gain something over their victims.
Use profiles to select personalised advertising. Create profiles for enabling behavior definition personalised advertising. By Sanjana GuptaSanjana is a health writer and editor. Enabling behavior is typically driven by hope, guilt, fear, and love.
What Are Some Common Signs That Someone Might Be an Enabler?
You’ve probably heard the term “enabler.” It’s one that’s often charged with judgment and stigma. If you find yourself obsessing over rejection or a one-sided relationship, you’re likely stuck in limerence “But it’s important to recognize when enough is enough and to make changes, for their good and your own.”
Take our quiz to see if you or a loved one needs substance use or mental health support.
Keeping alcohol or other drugs accessible can make it difficult for someone with an addiction. It’s not easy for someone with substance abuse problems to avoid drugs or alcohol. The closer you are to a person needing help, the more likely you will enable them. Anyone could be an enabler without even realizing it. She specializes in helping those with sleep problems and anxiety disorders.
With codependency, a person is addicted to a relationship in a way where they rely excessively on another person. While parents should protect their children, overprotective parenting is excessive and often shields the child from learning from experiences and important life lessons. According to studies, overprotective parenting is defined as a parent being overly restrictive in an attempt to protect their child from potential harm or risk. Emotional and psychological dependencies might be seen in a romantic relationship or a relationship between a parent and child.
What Is a Passive Enabler?
Cleaning up includes any form of shielding the person from the natural negative consequences of their own behavior.
While parents should protect their children, overprotective parenting is excessive and often shields the child from learning from experiences and important life lessons.
I started out by listing unhelpful enabling behaviors, such as repeatedly lending money without accountability, with the caveat that sometimes a concrete piece of support could be appropriate.
This makes them feel it’s okay if they get in trouble because you’ll be there to bail them out.
It can be very difficult to see a loved one face challenges with substance abuse.
This stage is often filled with guilt, frustration, and overwhelming stress, but it can also be the first step toward acknowledging the need for change and setting healthier boundaries.
This not only allows the harmful behavior to continue but also creates stress, guilt, and resentment for the parent, trapping both in an unhealthy cycle. Often, enabling starts when a person tries to offer support to someone they care about because they know they are going through a difficult time. Someone with an enabler personality has a desire to help others, so much so that they would help them even when their behaviors can harm them. Enabling behavior is when someone unintentionally supports or encourages another person’s harmful habits or choices. An enabler, however, might repeatedly call in sick for that loved one at work or make excuses for their behavior, preventing them from facing consequences or taking accountability for their own life.
One way to stop enabling a person with a mental health disorder is by first educating yourself on their condition. Being an enabler can take a toll on a person’s mental health, physical health, and overall well-being. If they can rely on their enabler to keep them from facing consequences, it becomes incredibly difficult for them to build a healthier life on their own. Enabling another person’s behavior also can lead to them struggling for longer periods of time, since they never learn the skills they need to break out of the destructive cycle they are in. An overprotective parent may become an enabler when they allow their child, even an adult child, to neglect responsibilities or continue doing things that are harmful to them.
When someone you care about engages in unhealthy behavior, it can be natural to make excuses for them or cover up their actions as a way to protect them. They may focus their time and energy on covering those areas where their loved one may be underperforming. Enabling behaviors can be common in codependent relationships.
Giving a family member living with a substance use disorder the money to buy drugs. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Sanjana is a health writer and editor.
